Special Drivel

  • Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

    Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

    The bots are back in town in this loving homage to de-aged robot apocalypse fiction. Read More
  • Punxsutawney Phil Fired After Predicting Massive Russian Interference in 2020 Election

    Punxsutawney Phil Fired After Predicting Massive Russian Interference in 2020 Election

    President Trump "fired" Punxsutawney Phil, despite having no authority to do so, as Phil is not a federal employee or Read More
  • Total Victory of the Imagination

    Total Victory of the Imagination

    Holy crap, this is the best robotic technology we’ve come up with by 2020? What are we doing? Read More
  • Bundy-O-Rama

    Bundy-O-Rama

    Ted Bundy: on one hand a murderous psychopath, on the other a Republican who treated his girlfriend and her daughter ok. Read More
  • Human Allows Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant To Converse

    Human Allows Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant To Converse

    Nothing is known about what caused this, other than the user was an idiot. Read More
  • Moon Aliens

    Moon Aliens

    Did aliens travel dozens or hundreds of lightyears to build crap on our moon? Read More
  • Joker (2019)

    Joker (2019)

    Joaquin Phoenix chain-smokes his way through a rewarding fantasy life punctuated by psychopathic violence in this adorable popcorn flick. Read More
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Somali Pirates Raid Scarf and Parrot Shipments

SOMALIA - In their most daring raids yet, a band of Somali pirates have targeted scarf and parrot cargos exclusively along heavily trafficked sea lanes.

The trend is a "traditional" departure for the normally cash-focused pirates, who have until now focused on kidnapping, extortion, and mayhem.

Brazil has much more than hot, waxed chicks.Brazil Famous for More Than Pubic Hair Removal

RIO DE JANEIRO - Following this week's selection for the 2016 Olympics, Brazilian tourism officials have engaged a massive publicity campaign to raise awareness of the country "beyond pubic hair removal,... carnival, the Copacabana and Ipanema."

"Unless we can change the world's perception of us as a bastion of hot women with no pubic hair," said Fernando Feliz, director of tourism for the city of Rio, "we will have a very bad experience with prostitution in 2016."

Talk Show Hosts Banging Staff Up 500%

NEW YORK - In a bid to boost flagging ratings, this week a gaggle of late night talk show hosts have announced affairs with staffers, betting "The Letterman Effect" will push them to Nielsen nirvana.

Hosts including Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Fallon and Conan O'Brien have all admitted "wild sexual affairs" with female staffers, some more credibly than others.

What a dummy.Man Creates Stupidest Haunted House

INDIANAPOLIS - A local man this week created the "world's stupidest haunted house" exhibit, as verified by the Guinness Book of World Records.

The exhibit included a talking skeleton, painted with red tempera paint, a sheet with magic marker eyes representing a ghost, and a bowl of cold Kraft mac 'n cheese used to represent "guts and brains."

90th Nobel Peace Prize Explodes Killing Eight

COPENHAGEN - A "joke gone horribly wrong" is to blame for the deaths of 8 people this week, when a prototype Nobel Peace Prize, made out of dynamite, accidentally exploded.

"In retrospect making the statue out of dynamite was funnier on paper," said Niels Jurgens, chief designer in charge of manufacturing the statues.

Soprano's Gandolfini Vouches for Berlusconi

LOS ANGELES - James Gandolfini, former star of HBO's "The Soprano's," stunned friends and co-workers this week by announcing support for embattled Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

"Personally, I like [Prime Minister] Silvio," said the actor. "He's a friend of ours."

Taliban Delegates Trash Paris Fashion Week

PARIS - The fashion world was rocked to its foundation this week when Taliban cultural leaders assaulted major fashion leaders and trashed runways all over Paris.

Known for a more traditional take on high fashion, the Taliban leaders were arrested but "showed no regret at all" after attacking designer Michael Kors and his entourage Tuesday.

SuperBowl LIV Lapdance!

A stripper pole, leather-clad dancers, and an aggressive crotch grab. Is this Harvey Weinstein's wetdream?
Not to be upstaged, J-Lo made sure audiences saw the scant fabric over her baby-maker too.
I may be wrong, but I think the choreographers for this year's half-time show were trying to tell us something....
Yes, she's a mother of 4 but can still grind that pole, girls.
For no particular reason, Superbowl Halftime took a pause from the porn to feature a delightful chorus of school girls, who have a lot to look forward to in the Entertainment Industry.
Shake, shake, shake!
Here this guy helps J-Lo determine just how far he'll go before she presses charges.
J-Lo gave audiences an up-close and personal look into her interior organs Sunday night, vowing to bring ultrasound pictures next year.
J-Lo gave audiences exactly what she thinks they need on a Sunday evening with a gut full of beer and nacho cheese.
Shakira used a unique brand of subtle sexuality to engage the audience.
Never has the importance of 4 sq inches of fabric been more pronounced.

More Awesomeness

  • Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. +

    Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's Read More
  • Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like +

    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
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