IRREVERENT News

WASHINGTON - Today Fed. Chairman Ben Bernanke told members of the senate it was "high time you wake the fuck up."

"Look," he said frankly to members of the Senate Committee on Banking, "I've written textbooks on economics, I've been doing this shit for a long ass time here. I could sit here and bullshit you all day long about how buying back those Treasury bonds were gonna prop up this saggy-ass economy we've got, and you wouldn't know the difference. So listen to me when I tell you: we're screwed, guys. Ok, I didn't see it coming -- I kinda dropped the ball on the whole 'subprime crisis,' and maybe the A.I.G. bailout wasn't such a great idea either -- but let's face facts: I didn't single-handedly dump the economy into the toilet. It was sliding there already when I got here."

Unused to such blatent honesty, committee members were dumbstruck for several long minutes, after which Bernanke continued.

[inset pos=right]"I can dick around with interest rates only so long, you know...."[/inset]"You guys -- yes, YOU guys -- the Congress, you are about the only hope we've got here, and it's high time you wake the fuck up. We all know how fun it is to run for office, but you really need to stop and actually govern here, just a tiny bit at least, and start creating some fucking jobs. I can dick around with interest rates only so long, you know, shit, we're at zero as it is. You need to stop wringing your hands and start DOING something about it. Encourage innovation, stimulate job creation and hiring, stop wasting your time moaning about the shit I can do to help. Trust me, you have no idea how the American economy works, so stop pretending. Get off your asses and GET TO WORK, otherwise you'll all be looking for jobs yourselves, like 10% of the American people already are... and it's growing."