Desk Clearing Loses Healthcare Solution

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

Details: Written by IRNewz

WASHINGTON - After clearing off his desk, President Obama has been unable to find his hard-brokered compromise legislation reforming health-care.

The healthcare compromise legislation was lost after the President's latest desk cleaning. Some are calling the unexpected loss of the only draft of the president's comprehensive, bi-partisan compromise solution "the final, crushing blow" to American health-care reform "for the Obama Administration."

"I had it right there, on my desk, next to the thing," said President Obama as he addressed the White House Press Corps this morning. "It's right there, I can see it clearly in my mind. Last night I did some cleaning... let's face it, the desk in the Oval Office really needed it... and this morning neither myself, nor the Secret Service have been able to locate it at all. It was in a green folder and it said 'Compromise 118' on the tab. I can see it so clearly....!"

According to First Lady Michelle Obama, this is "hardly the first time" the President has lost something important while cleaning his desk off. "I remember one Christmas I had given him a very expensive watch," the First Lady said. "He was just elected to the Senate, and we were celebrating. The next day I came into the [Senate Office building] and he was standing there, looking over his completely empty desk with a sort of blank expression on his face. He'd cleaned his desk and couldn't find anything at all, not even his briefcase. We never did find the watch."

According to government sources, the White House has tapped various elements within the intelligence community to help the President recover the sole draft of the legislation, so far to no avail. "We have tracked the folder from the top of his desk, next to the thing, to a desk drawer, onto the floor, and then back up to a side cabinet," said one anonymous well-placed C.I.A. source. "Then things get fuzzy, right around 1:30-1:43A.M. when the night cleaning crew enters the office. But we're tracking down everyone who did the cleaning up, we'll find them."

Wall Street had virtually no reaction at all to the news. The Street barely looked up at all from it's double-mocha-frap before falling asleep into its lox and cream cheese bagel after a long, hard night clubbing Manhattan.