IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

WASHINGTON - Documents discovered on WikiLeaks confirms a repeated pattern of arctic U.F.O. encounters on December 24th.

D.N.A. comparisons prove the same occupant was involved in every crash over 50 years.Documents going back over 50 years confirm that each year, during the early morning hours of December 24th, an arctic U.F.O. was spotted, engaged by U.S. military sources, and destroyed or shot down with little resistance. Amazingly in each case, a single occupant -- wearing red clothing -- was reported at the helm of the craft and later confirmed D.O.A. at each crash site. Related documents show, however, an even larger and more bizarre mystery.

Samples from the occupant's remains were collected each year, and in every case did NOT match any D.N.A. database available. However research conducted by IRREVERENT Magazine definitively proves that each sample does, in fact, match every other sample. "Although it seems impossible," said Jack Johnson, a forensics expert retained by IRREVERENT Magazine, "we have proven the D.N.A. samples, gathered from over 50 different crash sites over as many years, came from the same person. Each of us has struggled to understand this reality, but the facts remain undeniably clear."

Military forensics experts apparently missed this conclusion by only comparing the samples against known databases of D.N.A. signatures, never comparing them to each other. "If you put two signatures next to each other on the table, like this here," said Johnson, demonstrating with two random samples, "it's obviously a match. Usually it's close, but not exact; here's they're 100% identical.  What this means, well, I just don't know."

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.

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