G.O.P. Officially Renamed 'Gauntlet Of Power'

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WASHINGTON - Republican leaders today announced the new name for the party would become "Gauntlet Of Power" effective Jan. 1, 2012.

Ted Brightwell came up with the new logo after a bout of heavy drinking. "It's a much cooler name than 'grand old party' anyway," confessed John J. Johnson, the Republican National Committee's chief strategist. "What is that anyway, a night at Studio 54 back in 1978? Nobody knows what it means, so let's make it something cool at least."

Johnson's comments, and the change itself, is believed to be a reaction to a recent Vanity Fair/60 Minutes poll that asked "What does the abbreviation G.O.P. stand for?" Only 51% of G.O.P. supporters could identify their own party correctly.

"It's an important repositioning of an effectively dead brand," said Ted Brightwell, a marketing consultant retained by the R.N.C. for the effort. "Who wants to be associated with a fat, old, disgusting elephant when you could have a gauntlet of power? It's a no brainer. I can't believe they didn't do this a long time ago."

The proposed new G.O.P. logo would appear on everything from bumper stickers to baseball caps. The party's official relaunch is expected to include an extensive advertising campaign, with multi-million dollar media buys in all major markets next spring. "We expect to raise awareness of our brand along with our presidential candidate forerunners," said Brightwell. "So far, each of them [Republican presidential candidates] have been very supportive of the change."

"I think it's great," said Newt Gingrich. "Really great. I like the logo."

The change has prompted other political parties to examine their own branding. "I've never liked the whole donkey thing," said Samantha Higgins, a political strategist at the Democratic National Committee. "Who wants to be associated with something so well known in Tijuana sex shows? I always thought a huge sword like Excalibur or something would be way, way better. Silver or gold even."

"They think they've got problems? We don't even have a brand yet," said Bill Williams, a spokesman for the Tea Party movement. "What could we have, a tea bag? Yeah THAT'LL bring in the votes!"