IRREVERENT News

WASHINGTON - Sources within the R.N.C. admitted today they are secretly testing a "Bachmann-Palin" ticket as a way to sell their message.

"The math was easy," said anonymous insider Jack Jackson, a senior Republican political operative and R.N.C. official. "After last night's debate, we jammed Bachmann's poll numbers together with Palin's, and fed them into our general election political model. Turns out two semi-attractive women running together as hardcore wingnuts just might make it on their own. It's the 'strawwomen' ticket, until now theoretical."

"Their politics are terrifying, but their looks disarm you," added anonymous insider John Johnson, longtime R.N.C. operative and lobbyist. "Let's face it, men weren't listening to Bachmann, they just wanted her to like them, it's biology. Women weren't listening either because either they felt threatened or they didn't care because they're more attractive than Bachmann. Either way we win! This is real sexual politics at it's finest."

[inset pos=right]"It's like having a really cute girl in a string bikini tell you you have inoperable brain cancer...."[/inset]"It's like having a really cute girl in a string bikini tell you you have inoperable brain cancer," said Jackson. "Yeah, it's totally devastating, but, for a while you're okay with it. I think we've finally found a way to sell our message."

Other right-wing pundits weren't so quick to support a possible Bachmann-Palin run. "Why would we run two inexperienced candidates against Obama just because they're cute?" said Newt Gingrich. "On the other hand, it's genius."

Wall Street jumped up and down with glee over the announcement, pushing shares of everything higher. The euphoria faded, however, when traders realized what such a ticket would actually mean, and burned everything in a frenzied mid-morning sell-off. After the smoke cleared, shares ended up lower on tremendous volume.