HOLLYWOOD - "CFI," the star-studded medical porn powerhouse skidded past the lowbrow hit "HPL" in last week's T.V. ratings.
"CFI has done well with the 18 to 24s," said Debra Morgan, reality T.V. business editor at "Various," the television trade magazine. "This week's episode starring a severely congested Scarlett Johansson, however, finally pushed the show over the edge. In the end," Morgan concluded, "Parking Lots rolled over and spreadeagled for Fecal Impactions."
Brad Gordon, a producer on HPL, however, wasn't convinced the war was over. "One week is a fluke," said Gordon. "There's no way the parking lot off Hollywood Boulevard and 69th could compete with Johansson's feces, even with the chronic masturbator living behind that dumpster. Next week we've got a woman and her boyfriend caught on the security tape," Gordon said, excited. "Even with the blurring, it's still gonna be WAY more enticing than whoever's colon is on CFI, just you wait!"
[inset pos=right]"I don't care HOW many dumpster masturbators they throw in!"[/inset]CFI's Exec Producer Van Hartley was quick to retort. "I appreciate that HPL doesn't want to admit defeat, but they need to wake up and sniff the sewage. CFI is here to stay with the 18-24s on Wednesday between 7 and 7:30pm," said Hartley. "We own it! There's no way Fecal Impactions are being squeezed out for any slabs of concrete, I don't care HOW many dumpster masturbators they throw in!"
"Regardless of who ultimately wins the [time] slot," said Morgan, with an air of defeat, "both of these shows are incredibly terrible, if only for the sheer quantity of cheese and condom ads."
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