Senate Passes Bill Nobody Read

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

Details: Written by IRNewz

WASHINGTON - The Senate today passed a very large bill, probably full of over 100,000 words, that nobody bothered to read.

The bill, called S-something-something, was passed by the senators, some of whom were awake. "The bill had a lot, and I mean a LOT of text in it," said Senator Bill Hume (R-Tenn). "Having glanced over some of the words, it appeared to be organized into a number of different sections, each one labelled for reference."

"It had a table of contents of sorts," added Senator Jack Blakeworth (D-Mass). "It appeared to correspond to the labelled sections throughout the document."

"It weighed nine pounds and five ounces," further added Senator Claire Dawkins (D-Conn). "I remember that because it's the same weight as my first son Josh."

The senators then discussed Senator Dawkin's child for a time -- looking at recent pictures on the Senator's phone and inquiring over Josh's school experience -- before breaking up and heading into the Senate Dining Room.

Ellen Magnus, a legislative staffer working for Senator Blakeworth, didn't read the bill either. "In fact, I'm not sure what the number or letter or whatever of the bill even was," said Magnus. "Like S-2099 or something. I checked Twitter and nobody knew it either."

The bill, which had undoubtedly numerous provisions and modifications of existing laws and stuff, was passed without comment or, indeed, without anyone in the actual senate bothering to get out of their chairs. A quick, random poll of the senators revealed that a statistical majority of those present were unaware that a vote was taking place.

The President, however, was quick to herald the bill's swift passage. "The bill, I'm quite sure was a necessary and vital piece of legislation," said President Obama. "I applaud the Senate's action on whatever bill this was, and hope that, in the future, they again take such actions to keep the legislative pipe free and unclogged with gunk."