WASHINGTON - As the week opens, both the Ryan and Biden camps continue to prep their candidate for Thursday's vice-presidential debate. Congressman Paul Ryan is scheduled to spend the week rehearsing his planned three hour walk-through of the United States annual budget, while Vice-President Joe Biden is rehearsing a set of carefully chosen blunders, gaffes and off-the-cuff-thought-the-mic-was-off remarks that are hoped will push him over the edge and guarantee him four more years of waiting for President Obama to die.
"[Congressman] Ryan is determined to that the American public come away from the debate with a thorough -- some say ridiculously thorough -- knowledge of United States fiscal policy and each one of his 712 proposed, detailed policy reforms," said Jack Blum, a political consultant for the Ryan campaign. "So far he's got just shy of three hours of spoken material, nearly 900 PowerPoint slides, and a 120 page handout that has already been mailed to every registered voter in America. Check your mail. It weighs about a pound."
"Joe's going to do just fine," said Saul Goodman, Vice-President Biden's Assistant Chief of Staff. "We've selected an array of f**k ups guaranteed to make the old guy endearing, and totally raise up his 'having a beer with him' factor. You put Joe up against Mr. PowerPoint over there, and he's gonna look like a rock star in any case."
Wall Street reacted in no way whatsoever over the prospect of the upcoming V.P. debate, choosing instead to punish big pharma stocks because they "had it coming." Before hitting a quick lunch at the new Ethiopian joint on Lex, the Street yawned, scratched its ass and let out a huge burp which sent stocks scurrying for cover.
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