PITTSBURGH - Today President Obama was forced to remind Vice-President Biden why he was forbidden from riding in the presidential limousine with him. "Joe," the President said, "your IBS [irritable bowel syndrome] is completely out of control."
Forlorn, Vice-President Biden shook his head positively and boarded the secondary limousine.
"It's hardly a state secret that Biden has a case of IBS that would make a Komodo dragon barf," said one former VP staffer. "We got a memo a while ago from [the President's staff] that outlined the new travel protocols. Basically, Biden couldn't fly in Air force One or in the President's limo unless the President was physically in another state. Ouch!"
"I cannot and will not comment on the private medical condition of anyone in or out of the executive," said press secretary Josh Earnest, who recently took over for Jay Carney. "The Vice-President's medical evaluations are a matter of public record and don't need any elaboration."
The cool, calm and collected statement drew a quick reaction from some in the close-knit naval medical community. "I've been involved in numerous medical evaluations of chief executives," said one anonymous medical insider, "andI can tell you, besides L.B.J. or, worse Nixon, nobody has had a worse case of IBS than [Vice-President] Joe Biden."