WASHINGTON – At today’s presidential inauguration President Biden promised the world a “new era… of non-insanity, and it’s going to take some getting-used-to.”
“Americans can now stop holding their breath for fear of imminent nuclear war because someone pisses off the guy with the nuclear football on Twitter,” President Biden said. “The grown-ups have been reinstated. Yes, self-control is going to take some getting used to after years of the emotional battering that guy subjected us all too. We are all going to need time to recover. All Americans are like one of his ex-wives: divided, emotionally scarred, and much richer for having lost him.”
Former President Trump meanwhile left the White House early this morning and boarded Air Force One for the final time, on his way to Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach, Florida. He did leave behind a note for President Biden on the Oval Office resolute desk. President Biden is reported to have laughed and said, “You too, buster!” after reading it.