Is Phone Sex a Date?

It depends on who you ask. Like the Bible, it can be interpreted in different ways. Whether something constitutes a date while holding a phone receiver depends on what you consider to be sex, a date, and most importantly, what you’re doing with your other hand while you’re holding the phone.

If you actually physically lick the phone receiver with your tongue as the party on the other line makes groaning noises or uses disgusting language, I would say that qualifies as an official date. Like the outcome of any successful date performed in person, you’re both engaging in the kind of behavior that is deliciously fun and of which your mother would definitely not approve.

That’s why it’s so fun.

It’s officially a date if just before having phone sex you say to your partner, “here are some flowers at the door. Now we’re going out in my car. Now we’re at the restaurant. Dinner was great. I’m telling charming, witty, funny jokes. Now we’re at a movie. We just went to a bar for a drink. Now we’re going up to your room. The clothes are off.”

You’ve in reality dispensed with the phony needless formalities of a boring, old-fashioned date by mouthing them over the phone. Now, you’re next impulse is, I’m going to mouth you……over the phone.

“Oh yes! Do it! Get me! Now! I’m yours. Harder! Harder! Oh yes! Yeeesss! You’ve conquered me. I’m yours.”

That sounds like the successful end of a date to me. Doesn’t it to you?

How can you score if it’s not a real date? What are you, some kind of pervert? It has to be a date or you’re a sicko pervert. To be a date it has to be between consenting and lusting adults. You can’t rape someone over the phone unless you want to be raped. So it can’t be date rape.

But it can be a date if you both mutually enjoyed it.

I actually did this, licked the phone receiver. But then I made a big mistake. I told the hot babe I lusted after that I did this. Told her in person. She was disgusted, revolted. She angrily said “I seem to attract kinky guys.”

Kinky? All of a sudden this licentious Venus develops a chaste streak like she was a nun.

Earlier in the evening she had told me while I was holding her in my arms and we were naked, “throw me on the bed.” Oh sure, she wants me to abuse her like an insatiable wanton animal of uncontrollable lust, but then she suddenly becomes a Victorian prude just because I was honest and told her I took advantage of an inanimate object (my tongue on the phone) of technology to get an earlier erection.

It couldn’t have been an erection without her. That was the end of our relationship.

Never make that mistake. Lick the phone and tell.

In fact, if you’re a masochist and ask her over the phone to hurt you, and she refuses to, that really hurts. But that’s another subject.