Special Drivel

  • Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

    Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)

    The bots are back in town in this loving homage to de-aged robot apocalypse fiction. Read More
  • Punxsutawney Phil Fired After Predicting Massive Russian Interference in 2020 Election

    Punxsutawney Phil Fired After Predicting Massive Russian Interference in 2020 Election

    President Trump "fired" Punxsutawney Phil, despite having no authority to do so, as Phil is not a federal employee or Read More
  • Total Victory of the Imagination

    Total Victory of the Imagination

    Holy crap, this is the best robotic technology we’ve come up with by 2020? What are we doing? Read More
  • Bundy-O-Rama


    Ted Bundy: on one hand a murderous psychopath, on the other a Republican who treated his girlfriend and her daughter ok. Read More
  • Human Allows Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant To Converse

    Human Allows Alexa, Siri and Google Assistant To Converse

    Nothing is known about what caused this, other than the user was an idiot. Read More
  • Moon Aliens

    Moon Aliens

    Did aliens travel dozens or hundreds of lightyears to build crap on our moon? Read More
  • Joker (2019)

    Joker (2019)

    Joaquin Phoenix chain-smokes his way through a rewarding fantasy life punctuated by psychopathic violence in this adorable popcorn flick. Read More
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FBI Takes "Balloon Boy" Into Custody

DENVER, CO - Falcon Keene, the six-year-old Colorado boy who transfixed a nation when he seemed to disappear in a helium balloon, was taken into custody by the FBI today. An FBI spokesman, unauthorized to speak to the press "but IRREVERENT is ok" said that the huge loss of worker productivity as people across America followed the story will result in a charge of "economic terrorism." "We're also looking at his brother," said the spokesman. "We think the balloon launch itself was an attempt by Al Queda to terrorize America's conspiracy community by making them believe the aliens had arrived." Keene was last seen in the back of an FBI SUV and was expected to be extradited to a secret military camp in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Keene's attorney told a hastily called press conference that he expected the charges would be dropped once prosecutors realized what a positive effect the boys' stunt had on the country. "Terrorism? How can it be terrorism if it makes Beck and Olberman shut the fuck up for five minutes? That's a goddamn public service."

[Ed.: This was funnier hours ago....]

Jimmy Fallon Confesses to "Affair" with Intern...Remaining Viewer Switches Off TV in Disgust

NEW YORK - An attempt to "clear the air that has absolutely nothing with raising the ratings," had disastrous consequences for late night talk show host Jimmy Fallon when the sole remaining viewer of Fallon's show turned off his television. "I can take a few jokes, a couple of stories, but such a patently absurd lie about ever having sex? I mean c'mon, it's Jimmy Fallon. I'm sorry but I just can't stomach such untruthfulness," said Myron Fossilburg of Torveldt, MN.

Indigenous People Killed in Columbus Celebration

COLUMBUS - Columbus Day festivities took a surreal turn for nine Native American death-row inmates today when they were executed in a "traditional manner," according to one observer. "We may have been too honest in our interpretation," said one regretful prison official. "I mean the guns...the guns were ok. You know, second amendment and all...but I think handing out smallpox infected blankets may have crossed the line. Of course, to be fair, if Old Chief Cirrohsis there could handle his firewater he might have seen the diseased blanket coming."

SuperBowl LIV Lapdance!

A stripper pole, leather-clad dancers, and an aggressive crotch grab. Is this Harvey Weinstein's wetdream?
Not to be upstaged, J-Lo made sure audiences saw the scant fabric over her baby-maker too.
I may be wrong, but I think the choreographers for this year's half-time show were trying to tell us something....
Yes, she's a mother of 4 but can still grind that pole, girls.
For no particular reason, Superbowl Halftime took a pause from the porn to feature a delightful chorus of school girls, who have a lot to look forward to in the Entertainment Industry.
Shake, shake, shake!
Here this guy helps J-Lo determine just how far he'll go before she presses charges.
J-Lo gave audiences an up-close and personal look into her interior organs Sunday night, vowing to bring ultrasound pictures next year.
J-Lo gave audiences exactly what she thinks they need on a Sunday evening with a gut full of beer and nacho cheese.
Shakira used a unique brand of subtle sexuality to engage the audience.
Never has the importance of 4 sq inches of fabric been more pronounced.

More Awesomeness

  • Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. +

    Siri Becomes Self-Aware At 5:55A.M. E.S.T. MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's Read More
  • Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like +

    Gift Ideas For People You Don't Particularly Like Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas Read More
  • Trump Announces Support for "Extraterrestrial Abductions" +

    Trump Announces Support for (ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and Read More
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