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- Written by Brian DiMaio
CHICAGO - In a move that upper management and the shareholders are thrilled with, Argyle Business Systems has implemented a new money saving mandate that saves on payroll: the IT department has been ordered to disable the company’s time clock software, not letting employees submit their work hours for their paychecks.
“It’s worked far better than we thought it would,” Argyle CFO Blaine Brady said. “Everybody points the finger at somebody else in upper management, and we’ve been telling the employees for more than four months now that we’re looking into it.”
Payroll Supervisor Mitch Staten said that the employees who have complained the loudest and most often have received some of their pay, but that was inevitable. “What we do is pay a few people, just so they think the problem’s being worked on,” Staten said. “They’re satisfied, they’ve got some money in their pocket, and it buys us some more time. I can’t believe nobody else has ever thought of a plan or business model like this, in any form.”
Read more: Company Disables Its Time Clock Software In Cost Cutting Move
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WASHINGTON - Speaking to supporters today, Republican Governor Rick Perry clarified his position on evolution.
Read more: Perry Rejects Gene Regulation Theory for Phenotypic Evolution!
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DURHAM - A surprising marriage has been formed following the release of NASA's HD LRO pictures.
Read more: Birthers, Moon Hoaxers Unite to Expose New Moon Pix!
IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.
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