BRUCETON, NEW SOUTH WALES - Australia's recent demands that the rest of the world begin importing more Foster's Lager “or else” were dramatically clarified today with the testing of two 20 kiloton nuclear devices at a location beyond the Black Stump, deep within the heart of the island continent. The tests were followed by a hastily called press conference at the Thunderdome. The event confirmed Australia's place as the first country to demonstrate a nuclear capability under U.S. President Barak Obama's Nobel Peace Prize regime.
“G'day. It appears that nobody took us seriously when we warned you pooftahs that you needed to import more beah,” Australian Prime Minister Paul Rudd told a gathering of reporters, wallabees, and feral children. “Now if I was one of you pikers off in foreign parts, I'd head down to the local bottle-o and pick meself up a slab of coolies chop chop coz there are more of those bastards than Bondi-cigars in a kiddie pool.”
Reaction among world leaders was immediate once the prime minister's slang had been translated. The United States called for high level Tweets ® in order to defuse the Australian threat while Russia and China announced that they would immediately increase trade with Australia in anticipation of U.N. sanctions. In the MIddle East, Israel announced that it was putting the Israeli Defense Force on high alert and that “all options” for dealing with a nuclear Australia were on the table.
Wall Street greeted the news by spit-taking it's whiskey sour and immediately filing for a government bailout to pay the dry-cleaning bill.
MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's
Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas
(ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and