IRREVERENT News

NEW YORK - Today employees of the Fox News Channel mysteriously disappeared, leaving some to conclude "foul play."

Nothing at all is known tonight about what happened to employees of the television news channel, beyond that none can be located after a full day of searching. Apartments were empty, some left behind with half-eaten breakfasts still cooling within, leaving local police officials to conclude that "they probably left on vacation." "We have no evidence of foul play or anything whatsoever to conclude that anything bad has happened to any of the thousand or so employees that work there," said New York Police Captain Jack McElroy, sweating profusely. "Let me say again, we don't have any evidence at all of foul play. In fact, we're not even officially investigating this or anything related to it at all at this point, nor will we in the future."

The captain's odd statements have prompted some to speculate that there was more to the story than what was being released. "A thousand people just don't disappear overnight without a trace," wrote Ed McMahon, a columnist at the Wall Street Journal, but did not elaborate further.

President Obama, who has recently been involved in a sometimes heated exchange with the news organization, called the events "odd... but most likely explicable" given the company's "penchant for gross exaggeration and character assassination." "I'm sure when this is all over we'll see it's just another publicity stunt by this group of professional fear-mongerers and their mob of true believers," the President commented at a luncheon for disabled veterans outside Washington. "Sometimes when you mess with a bull, you get the horns," he added cryptically.

In an unrelated story, a terrorism readiness drill, coordinated by the 3rd Special Forces Group with local emergency services in Manhatten, was cancelled earlier today for unspecified reasons. An Army spokesman did not immediately return our calls asking for comment.