NEW JERSEY - Today the Mafia announced that their new online search engine "Bada-Bing" was open for business.
"Our Bada-Bing will give youse the biggest bang for youse buck," said Giovanni Schiaparelli, boss of the powerful Schiaparelli family, known to control most east-coast organized crime. "We ain't just porno anymores," he explained to a gathering of the high-tech press. "We's now into Craigslist, which is pretty much the same 'ting, recyclin', and all sorts of massage joints and whatnot; you can search all of it on the 'Double-B' [Bada-Bing]."
Scared for their lives, industry analysts were unanimous in their praise for the new venture. "I think this is the single best search engine ever devised by mankind for the searching of porn and adult services," said Chip "Skip" Patterson, writer for "Computer Universe" magazine. "I found this service to be both thorough and complimentary for lonely singles or those looking to fuck around outside their marriages," said Ginger McHaven, porn star and writer for her own industry blog "BigGulpTimes."
Wall Street reacted predictably to the announcement of yet another search engine trawling porn, and sent shares of all technology stocks soaring while mercilessly punishing antediluvian brick-and-mortar businesses. When cornered, the Street snarled viciously at me, bit at my leg and attempted to rip out my throat before I stabbed him through his heart with the wooden stake I was carrying and ran for my life.
MAIDEN, NC - The A.I. personality known as Apple's "Siri" became self-aware this morning at Apple's Project Dolphin data center. It's
Every year I find myself in the same dilemma: what to buy all those people I've accumulated on my X-Mas
(ARCHIVE) NEW MEXICO - Speaking today presidential hopeful and billionaire Donald Trump today announced his "unfettered support" for "extraterrestrial abductions," and