WASHINGTON - Sick of such a tiny desk in the Oval Office, President Obama today shopped for a larger one with advisers and staffers.
"Yes, I understand it's a historic desk and all," the President explained. "But what leader or CEO of anything would have something so tiny you can barely get your knees to fit? I've had it. Ship it to the Smithsonian already, I've scraped my last knee on this thing."
One of the front-runners in the new desk included a "Chicago Executive Desk" complete with a 6-slot computer sub-panel, a wall-unit with space for a large flat-screen monitor, and spacious right and left returns. The President was particularly excited about the built-in computer panel, which contains AC plugs, two Ethernet ports, and DVI and VGA connections.
"This thing," the President said, pointing to his old desk which is about half the size, "this thing is lucky not to fall apart or spontaneously light on fire, forget about computer connections. I've had it, really this is it!"
Despite the President's insistence, some of his advisers weighed in against the new desk. "This is a matter of tradition," said one anonymous staffer. "Look, we all know -- everyone knows -- the desk is a piece of crap, but it's more than just a desk, and that -- the history and tradition -- those things aren't crap."
Younger, hipper staffers, meanwhile, couldn't be more pleased with the President's direction. "This thing has so got to go," said one particularly hip intern. "I'm surprised he lasted this long with that hunk of junk. He's the leader of the free world, not Dave in accounting for mom & pop's vacuum store."
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