IRREVERENT News

WASHINGTON - Having put it off for weeks, today President Obama reluctantly filled out his stupid census form.

"I'm the President of the United States, for chrissake," the President grumbled under his breath. "I think you know where the hell I live.  Everyone knows my address, it's a damn national monument, do I really have to fill it out on some idiotic form?"

Taking a break for coffee and to check his Blackberry, the President continued filling out the form, becoming increasingly frustrated and angry.  "Ok, I can't take a walk in my own backyard without 400 reporters snapping pictures, but YOU need to know the names of my kids and when they were born?  Are you kidding me?"  the President wondered aloud to nobody in particular.

"How many people live in this house or apartment?  The White House? Christ you gotta be kidding me, Janice!" the President shouted, calling an assistant.  "I want [U.S. Census Bureau Director Dr. Robert] Groves on the horn right now!"

Talking with Dr. Groves, the President voiced his frustration at having to fill out the stupid form like "some nobody."  "Bob, Bob, listen to me," the President said, "I have no fu**ing idea how many people are in this house, do you realize that?  I've got 30 or 40 staffers here alone, not to mention security and permanent staff.  Do I count the cooks too?  You realize how fu**ing ridiculous this is, don't you?"

After a few seconds defending the census, the President interrupted.  "Look, Bob, that's fine and dandy, but do you have any fu**ing idea how much s*** I have to sign and fill out in a week?  Huh?  DMV workers don't have my paperwork load, ok?  If I got paid by the word, I wouldn't need my salary, ok?"  With that, the President slammed down the phone, took a minute to cool off, and finished the stupid form.