Staff Still Divided Over President's Taxes

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WASHINGTON - Despite seven reviews with top government officials, staffers remain divided by the President's 1040 filing.

President Obama and his advisors try again to sort out his taxes. The reviews, which started seven weeks ago with top IRS officials, have left the cabinet and top aides split on numerous issues, the top one being the President's "home office deduction" for parts of the White House.

"We seriously doubt that it's legitimate for the president to deduct part of the White House as a 'home office,'" said I.R.S. Undersecretary for Political Taxation Irving Myerson. "But we're damned if we can find anything dealing with this particular issue in the whole of the tax code."

Another point of contention revolves around the President's travel expenses. "Of course, the President travels often," said Senior Advisor David Axelrod, "but he's got itemized deductions for every shirt, sandwich, and Snickers bar he bought since taking office whenever he's travelled for work. Again, this seems within the spiritof non-reimbursed employee expenses, but...," Axelrod trailed off.

"But it appears pretty damn shady," finished Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.

"And then there's all this stuff about 'midwestern disaster areas,' and a bunch of deductions," said Axelrod. "I guess, technically, yes, the President did in fact help a whole lot of people struck by disasters in the nation, that's part of the job. But to deduct the cost of a coat, some shirts, and shoes you donated while touring the region for a photo-op? That's pretty.... I mean, I wouldn't do something like that."

Despite his staffer's reluctance, President Obama remains convinced that his taxes are an "accurate, true, and not a misleading in any way" account of the his and the first-lady's finances. "I remain steadfast in my position that these deductions will stand the test of time. The fact of the matter is that, in my role as head of government and Commander in Chief, I run up a lot of expenses that are both necessary and totally part of doing my job. Why shouldn't I get the same breaks as everyone else?"