Twenty More Lost in "Occupy Antarctica"

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ANTARCTICA - Here in -43° F windchills, another 20 people have been reported missing or seriously wounded by "Occupy Antarctica."

Plagued by constant polar bear and penguin attacks, Occupy Antarctica proteters have come to doubt their movement's meaning. A winter storm struck the occupiers two days ago, with torrential snows, gale force winds and blistering windchills battering the protesters. "We're running seriously low on rations," said Sonny Bloxam, the democratically elected spokesperson for the Occupy Antarctica movement, an off-shoot of Occupy Wall Streeters. "But we will NOT resort to clubbing seals, no matter what some of us say, I'm looking at you Donnie! We will find a renewable source of protein and nourishment, somewhere in this barren arctic wilderness."

The group has created several makeshift shelters to shield themselves from the intense winds, snow and cold. "It gets worse when the sun goes down," said Maria Travis, a vegan member of the protesters since its inception and a sophomore at Vassar. "The polar bear and penguin attacks are nearly constant. I lost two boyfriends and my English professor last night: nobody's seen any of them since sundown yesterday. It's getting really tragic," said Travis. "I'm down to my last booty call."

[inset pos=right]Why didn't I start Occupy Barbados instead?[/inset]The circumstances have led some to question the movement's meaning. "What are we doing occupying Antarctica?" screamed protester Jamey Wyght. "It's symbolic of the whole industrialization of the third world!" screamed back Tyler Atteberry, one of the protest's organizers. "How is that??!" retorted Wyght, screaming. "I don't know!!" concluded Atteberry, yelling.

As the sun set tonight, many occupiers waxed philosophic. "This could very well be my last night on earth," said Bloxam solemnly. "Why didn't I start Occupy Barbados instead?"