Earlier this week, Congressman Anthony Weiner admitted that it was, indeed, Weiner's wiener that was circulating the Twittersphere, provoking little reaction from Boehner or fellow Republicans. "Usually when a congressman's wiener is hanging out there so prominently," said Nancy Pelosi (D), "these guys would be jumping all over that thing. This limp reaction is surprising, especially coming from a party looking to slide into the White House next year."
In his defence, Weiner did eventually come clean and confessed the picture was intended to be posted in the "Twattersphere," an adult-only site where members send each other as many "twats" as one can for a monthly fee, not the Twittersphere. "My thumb slipped," confessed Weiner.Among the only Republicans commenting on WienerGate so far, has been former Vice-President Dick Cheney. "Personally, I find Weiner's conduct very, very disturbing. When I was a congressman, I could've never gotten away with what Weiner did: they would've whipped me hard, pounded me absolutely raw, and then hung me out to dry afterward."
[inset pos=right]"...[I]t could end up proving that all it takes to fuck a president is one well-placed Weiner."[/inset]When asked for his reaction, former President George W. Bush, golfing with Colin Powell, only read a short, prepared statement. "I'm sure there's a lot going through Weiner's mind right now, a lot of conflicting emotions about what to do. A lot of offers being thrown his way for this or that. I was in public office for a long time, hell, I know the temptations Weiner has faced. I've faced them myself. But I'm sure Weiner will do the thing right, in the end."
Leading Democrats, meanwhile, wax philosophic over the opposition's weak reaction. "It could be that we've finally gotten beyond the politics of sexual indescretion," said Nancy Pelosi. "Or it could end up proving that all it takes to fuck a president is one well-placed Weiner."
Wall Street was elated by the news with "Fruit of the Loom" bulging sharply in the middle. In the food sector, sales of hot dog buns rocketed skyward pulling up lagging Continental Bakery stocks. "It's a well know phenomenon that a congressman's junk is good for the retail food sector," said analyst Jakob Jablonsky. "I just wish we could get Biden to do the same thing."
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