WASHINGTON - Today the White House confirmed that this year's botched "secret Santa gift exchange" investigation has questioned former President Clinton.
Due to the sensitive nature of the matter, few details have been released publicly. However a well-placed White House source has told IRREVERENT that it started when the President's "secret Santa" was revealed by an anonymous CIA employee.
"The [CIA] officer was credible and well-informed," the source told IRREVERENT. "We had no reason to doubt him. And he said that the President was going to get a signed basketball from Michael Jordan, something the President would absolutely love. When [President Obama] found out, the surprise was killed and the whole Secret Santa thing was put on hold pending a full investigation."
The investigation is being headed by Chief of Staff Jack Lew (left). "The President loves surprises," Lew confirmed. "He was really disappointed."
A spokesman for Michael Jordan, meanwhile, has confirmed that the present was genuine. "Michael was asked to sign this for [President Obama], and it was a great honor for him to do it," said Jordon Bill Chittles, from Jordan's staff. "We are fully cooperating with the Secret Service, although we can't remember who exactly asked us to do it, but it wasn't anybody we recognized."
"We are cooperating fully with the investigation," said acting CIA Director Michael Morell. "Although it's our job to report accurately and fully to the President on any intelligence we receive, we realize that this was a real bummer."
Why focus has turned on former President Clinton, however, remains mysterious, although IRREVERENT has uncovered an intriguing clue from a handwritten note on a recently declassified State Department report (right).
A severely hung-over Wall Street staggered into the trading pits this morning, having completely ignored news papers and CNN, and began beating the hell out of futures markets before turning its rage to energy stocks.
With oil crude up to nearly $150/barrel, the Street vowed to ignore next year's X-mas mixer of leading market indices and began detoxing with a pair of street dogs washed down with four Red Bulls and V8s.
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