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Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, there existed the United States of America. Many four scores of years ago a person could walk up to the White House and request a visit with the president. Just imagine, poor peasant person that you are, that you have a simple demand or request that could help your community or country and just happen to live down the street from the new king. You walk up, the president is free, and you are welcomed into the goddamn house he lives in that you bloody paid for!!! Why do you think you’re a peasant? ‘Cause you just added a new wing. They labeled it: “The West Wing.” And for your viewing pleasure: Visiting hours are Never.

In modern times, of course, the American people are not welcome into the public house they paid for and keep paying for. Our children will continue paying for it long after our decrepit, withered, broken souls are deep in the digestive systems of worms and zombies. It’s not fair! I’m lucky if some sweaty guy gets the letter I wrote about whatever I feel like; the president never reads that crap. Let alone actually get to go to dinner with the most powerful man on the planet. I think you see what I’m getting at: recently, a couple of dumb idiots crashed the state dinner at the White House. Boo, bloody, hoo. I think we sound more like the "Planet of the Apes."

First, the accused couple are labeled crashers, next they are investigated, next they are investigated some more, finally they go on some stupid morning show that only sex-deprived housewives are watching and claim they were “invited.” Who cares? The secret service idiots “care.” They messed up, and want to blame a couple that looked the part, didn’t show signs of being linked to any terrorist groups, and didn’t kill the president. Now we persecute them. Okay. Maybe, just maybe, we should take a good, hard look at the “secret” service guys who didn’t do their job. Are they in trouble? Nope. Neither were the Kennedy secret service men. Anybody remember that fiasco?!

The couple in question didn’t hurt anybody, didn’t kidnap anyone; THEY ATE DINNER. Granted, they ate dinner in a house we can’t afford to fly to (but paid for) or visit at our peril, but that’s what they did. They ate dinner. (Where’s my filet mignon? I would like it done medium, please) They got a few pictures taken. They had a Cinderella trip to the White House. “Well, let’s take [them] out back and beat the shit out of them!”

[inset pos=left]The media wets themselves every time some stupid piece of “news” like this hits CNN. This is the most important story?[/inset]I thought we lived in a country that believed a person is innocent until proven guilty (okay, I never believed that), but it seems the media wets themselves every time some stupid piece of “news” like this hits CNN. This is the most important story? These people haven’t been charged with anything yet! What America needs to realize is that we are all guilty, all the time, even when we sleep. No one ever believes “I didn’t do it.” There is no trust, no compassion, no honor, no hope. Thousands of people are proven innocent while on death row, sometimes after the “guilty” has been killed by a shot of drugs. Once in a while, in a far, far off galaxy, someone told the truth . . . and we believed them. Once upon a time. (Once upon a time I could afford a bloody, fancy steak, but I have to pay for the White House’s light bulbs and toilet cleaner. Bollocks!)

If the couple did sneak in, I don’t care. I say kudos. They went to a party and met the famous and ate a really nice dinner. “Oh my God! Let’s send them to the chair for having a good goddamn meal!” I wish I could have a meal that didn’t include chicken nuggets or the word Velveeta or helper. If they were invited, they are among the lucky few who get to be a part of history in a house we all paid for. (“Here’s your gift bag of White House goodies in honor of financing our home and crappy highways!”) I think everyone should be able to have dinner at the White House with the president at least once in their lifetime. (Even the bitchy Queen of England invites couples who have been married for fifty years over to the castle! But you have to live long enough.) Is that too much to ask? If it is, the President will be getting my bill for services rendered. We’re not all terrorists, invite us in!!!