IRREVERENT Magazine is a news satire magazine: we were doing bogus news before it was popular.

ITALY - Captain Umberto Rotolo today confessed to investigators he was "updating his Facebook status" instead of driving the Costa Concordia cruise ship.

Investigators have confirmed that updating Facebook and Tweeting your junk to coeds comprise nearly 63% of internet traffic.As a result, the luxury cruise ship Costa Concordia capsized near the Tuscan island of Isola del Giglio. "My phone, she is very hard to use with Swype," said Rotolo, holding up his Android cell phone. "The letters, they are almost always wrong, and I havato correct them many times and often. Anda my screen, she is always oily and hard to see."

Investigator Agapito Pastore called the captain's admission "a relief... to finally knowa the truth." "We'vea been looking at everything here, to understand," said Pastore. "We thoughta the six bottles of Chianti meant he wasa drunka, but no, he was well within the legal limits for Italy. Now Facebook, thata explains everything."

"It's a sign of the times," said Fred Wally, a U.S. Coast Guard investigator on-loan to Italy for the investigation. "We're seeing more and more boating accidents caused by skippers tweeting something or Facebooking stuff while driving. A surprising number are tweeting their junk to coeds, as it turns out."

IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.

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