ARKANSAS - Former Arkansas governor and Fox News talk show host Mike Huckabee declared that he would be running for president in 2016, that he still had his first gun "in mint condition," that he could name every school, river, street and most people in or near Hope, Arkansas, and that the 1950s were totally awesome.

"The 1950s were awesome! And God and guns and The Bible!" Huckabee screamed and the crowd cheered.

"I love Israel, hate Iran, and Cyberterrorism sucks.""My parents taught me to do unto others as they have done unto you," he continued.  "Therefore my campaign will also be about swift and pitiless retaliation to those who have done me harm."  At this point the crowd became hysterical.

Abortion: Nope.
Health Care: You're on your own.
Free Trade: Yup.
Gay Marriage: Nope.
Teaching of Evolution: Nope.
Military: Bigger is better.
Immigration: Nope.
Gun Control: Nope.

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