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WASHINGTON - A new poll released today confirms that the majority of Americans are already sick and tired of the 2012 presidential election.

A whopping 83% of Americans are already sick of the 2012 presidential election.The IRREVERENT/Oxnard Daily Advertiser poll asked 1,232 randomly selected people throughout the nation: "Are you already sick of the 2012 Presidential election?" The following is a tabulation of the responses:

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The Association of Clowns expects to win damages of over one million Euros to compnesate for the years of humiliation and professional distress.PARIS - A HISTORIC court action was started here this week. The plaintiffs are the French Association of Clowns who are accusing the defendants, Banana Skins of falsely masquerading as a comic device.

René Pou-Pou, the clowns’ spokesman explained:

"Eets incroyable. Pour trop longtemps ze skins de bananes avez a comic reputation completement false. Combien de people savez vous who have slippé sur un skin de banane? Huh? Zero! Avez-VOUS ever slippé sue un banane skin? NON! C’est un grand deception qui avait lasté trop longtemps. Nous voulons putter le record straight."

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PORTLAND - Local part-time vet-assistant Valarie Newcome today questioned how close she really was to her 832 friends on Facebook.

Local woman Valarie Newcome shown here sorting through her hundreds of friends she doesn't know."I look at all these names and I don't recognize like 90% of them," said Newcome, who registered with the popular social-networking site in 2009. "Like this guy, Blake Hollender. I knew a Blake once, Blake Flan-something, but not Hollender. I don't think I ever knew a Hollender. So like why am I friends with this guy? Is he a stalker or something? Maybe he's related to Holly, I can't remember. Was her brother 'Blake'?"

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  1. Underwear Bomber Books Cameo on Project Runway
  2. Aides Terrified to Play Drinking Game with President
  3. Clubgoers Recount Terrifying Ordeal Of Not Being Let Into Club
  4. G.O.P. Officially Renamed 'Gauntlet Of Power'

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