I mean seriously, this weather is out of control! It's so bad here that police are taking 10 minutes or more to respond to a school shooting what with the pouring rain and tornados. Talk about crazy huh?
Even when it's sunny out, it's like 900 degrees with 4,000% humidity! Yeah I'm pretty sure that's physically impossible, but definitely what it feels like, especially when you're naked and surrounded by hot lights and teamsters. But that's another story.
And I hate this time of year too! It used to be that when school's out, it meant it was time to get a summer job, drink too much beer and hit on co-workers. These days my stupid boss says I can't work at Staples anymore, since I'm technically the "Regional Sales Manager for OfficeMax" (whatever!) and my wife just gets mad if I hit on Julie in copy paper anyway. So now all I have is a house-full of unemployed children and plenty of beer. No way I'm doing this sober.
Seriously, what's with this weather? I wish there were more summer sports too. I like baseball, but I think all sports should be summer sports or, better yet, year round! I'd love to see the Brewers play in eight inches of snow and watch the Packers pass out from heat exhaustion in 103 degree heat. Now we're putting the fun back in sports! How can you know you're REALLY alive until you've played the Master's golf tournament in -38 wind chills being pelted with blowing snow? Makes my nipples stiff just thinking about it.
'Twas the day before Xmas Vacation, and all through the office,
not a worker was stirring not even Paul The Snitch.
The desks were all cleaned, per the new corporate memo,
in the hopes that Auditors would not make you a demo.
The workers were nestled all snug in their cubes,
While visions of Walking Dead played on their smartphones.
And Donna, the office manager, and I in my hoody,
Had just finished discussing the spirit of casual Friday.
When out in the mail room there arose such a clatter;
I sprang from my cube to see what was the matter:
Away to the noise I flew like a flash,
Tore open my mail and threw away the envelope.