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Written by Scott Meadow

The entire debate in 60 seconds:

DONALD TRUMP: I made a lot, a lot of money last year and that's the kind of thinking this country needs, people making more wealth than they could possibly spend in 100 lifetimes and keeping as much as possible, if you told me I'd make so much money twenty or thirty years ago I'd be really surprised, and Ford is exporting jobs and we're in a nasty, a NASTY bubble, and as soon as Obama goes off to play golf somewhere - I hope it's a good course, one of mine maybe -- you watch interest rates climb and the economy tank and then ISIS and NAFTA.... (Continues his stream-of-consciousness tirade for two more minutes.)

HILLARY CLINTON: Kiefer Sutherland you can trust with the nuclear football.  Don't vote for crazy.

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Written by Scott Meadow

HEMPSTEAD NY - The disbelieving eyes of the world will be focused on tonight's debate with one thought on their otherwise blank and disbelieving minds: "How in the hell did we let this happen?"

Read more: Presidential Debate Preview

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Written by Scott Meadow

WASHINGTON - Today the hacktivist group "Nom de Plume" posted what the group claimed was Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump's victory celebration plans, including a controversial make-over of Mount Rushmore and a Photoshopped version of Trump as Time's Person of the Year.

The plans, and both doctored pictures, were quickly confirmed as genuine by the Official Trump Campaign^TM.

"I want my victory party to be great, just great, I mean the biggest thing ever, I want this to make Washington's inaugural look like he was just elected dog-catcher, that's how big, that big," read one document, an email from Donald Trump to campaign manager Kellyanne Conway.  "And no losers either, don't invite anyone who didn't vote for me, that's just stupid, they're losers so why would I feed them and give them drinks?  DUMB."

The email, along with 1,200 others were stolen from Trump's insecure email server which "hadn't even been patched since like 2003," Nom de Plume wrote on their website.

Before he was asked, Trump confirmed that was indeed his email to Conway and he had no idea what an email server even was, during a Q&A following a speech at a church in Cleveland Heights.  "Bigger than Washington's," Trump added for effect with a thumbs up.

Wall Street, trying to drink itself into a coma prior to the November election, barely raised an eyebrow at Trump's remarks, any of the otherwise "damaging" documents or even the pictures.  Resigned to this being a long, tough slog, the Street collapsed back onto the floor and continued throwing back shots of Jack with vodka chasers.