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UNITED STATES - Today an almost overwhelming sense of dread overcame the nation as it collectively realized there are less than two short months until the U.S. Presidential Election and it really looks like we're going to do this.  We can't avoid facing it any longer: one of these guys is really going become the President and be in charge of the most awesome military force in the history of mankind.  We asked leading scientists and thinkers how on earth we let this happen.

FAKE FOX NEWS - Earlier this week the world got to see celebrity Rob Lowe treated to a coveted Comedy Central roast, but almost nobody expected right-wing pundit Ann Coulter would steal the show. Showing her hallmark glee for eviscerating liberals, Coulter's biting jabs at left-wing values -- held by the majority of the cast and audience -- were quick to endear the entertainer to the entire room and viewing audience.

PHILADELPHIA - The city today was abuzz with preparations for tomorrow's Democratic National Convention, an event that many expect to have much better drinks than the recently ended Republican National Convention.

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