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TOLEDO - Local man Carson Kellogg was incredibly angry this morning when his new smartphone dropped into the toilet at work.
The phone -- a Motorola ES400S -- was special ordered by Kellogg for international use. He paid $550 plus surcharges.
"DAMMIT!!" Kellogg screamed as he stared helplessly into the toilet bowl. Of course, he had just finished using the facility and was about to flush. "DAMMIT!!!" he screamed again.
Kellogg had been using the phone inside the stall to play a quick game of Tetris, and had put the phone in his breast pocket. The phone fell into the toilet as he reached over to press the flush button.
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ZURICH - Officials announced today that the global internet will be rebooted at 2100 hours UST.
The reboot is expected to take "about a half hour" and result in worldwide internet access outages for most of that time. Netflix streaming and Hulu Plus subscribers are not expected to notice anything out of the ordinary.
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LAS VEGAS - In his final C.E.S. keynote address, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer promised "more of the same stuff" for Windows users throughout the world.
Marred by "blue screens of death" and a myriad of technical glitches, Ballmer's presentation of the new Windows smartphone and Windows 8 was coolly received by the audience. "As soon as this phone reboots," said Ballmer, stalling for time, "I'll show you on the big screen behind me.. DAMN IT!" he said, as he noticed the screen on the overhead projector had blue screened as well.
IRREVERENT Magazine is a news magazine parody: we were doing fake news before it was popular.
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IRREVERENT is a parody of a news magazine, and opinions, random thoughts, gestures, gesticulations, comments, bizarre rantings or anything anyone on the planet (or elsewhere) may possibly find objectionable, actionable, stupid, pointless, and/or misleadingly silly may or may not be shared by the management of IRREVERENT Publishing, LLC. Celebrity voices in the IRREVERENT Podcast are impersonated. People, products or services mentioned or depicted in IRREVERENT Magazine are referenced only for criticism or comment, and are not intended to imply an endorsement of IRREVERENT nor any other product or service unless explicitly stated otherwise.