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DELAWARE - A gaggle of local male office workers were completely distracted this morning by the woman in the breakroom eating a banana.

Brigitte ground the office to a halt for the entire snack's duration."I came in for some coffee, 'cause I needed to stay awake during the sales meeting, and then I saw Brigitte in the back of the breakroom eating that banana," said Lou Eaton, Vice-President of Eastern Sales. "I was IMing the guys faster than you can say non-fat dairy creamer."

"Yeah, we came as soon as Lou texted," said Johnnie Massey, Assistant Vice-President of I.T. security, speaking for the group of five other men. "I'd watched her come in this morning with a bag lunch, but I didn't think anything of it."

"It was really hard not to stare," added Merv McMillan from outside sales. "It pretty much made my week."

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DALLAS - Standing next to his dog, Newt Gingrich today formally announced his plan to "steal Christmas" from "the Whos of Whoville."

Newt Gingrich today formally announced his plan to "steal Christmas" from "the Whos of Whoville."It is the first time the presidential candidate has used his forerunner status to announce a specific initiative. "For many years now, I have been concerned with the way the Whos have celebrated Christmas," said Gingrich, fastening antlers to his dog's head. "Like many Americans, the Whos have taken the holiday for granted and are far too happy. By stealing all their presents, I hope to teach them a valuable lesson in the strength of family and the resilience of the local community. Plus make them as miserable as I am."

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HOLLYWOOD - Today "The Donald" announced he will exec. produce and host a new reality show titled "America's Next G.O.P. Candidate."

Reality star Donald Trump today admitted he would be starting a reality show to choose another G.O.P. presidential candidate.The show, which is slated to air January 1, will feature 16 potential G.O.P. presidential candidates who are put through a series of challenges, where one contestant is eliminated from the competition each week in accordance with the "spirit of free-market capitalism." The winner will be bankrolled as a G.O.P. presidential candidate by Trump himself, and placed on ballots in each state.

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