IRREVERENT News

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Written by IRNewz

SEATTLE - Fast food taco vendors are rejoicing this morning as the nation's first law legalizing the non-medical use of marijuana went into effect.

"We've seen an 800% increase in sales just this morning," said Jack Baum, owner of "Uncle Jack's Tacos," a popular food truck.  "You can smell money in the air and get a substantial contact buzz."

"I haven't seen money like this since the Tom Petty concert," said Juan Mendez, owner of "Uncle Juan's Tacos and Burritos," a popular local food truck vendor. "People are literally throwing money into the van to get a chicken burrito.  I've had to raise prices so I don't run out of ingredients before noon, and nobody even noticed!"

Uncle Juan told IRREVERENT that most of the profits will be used to purchase a new food truck, and employ an additional four workers, doubling his existing staff.

Read more: Local Taco Profits Skyrocket on Marijuana Legalization

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Written by IRNewz

WASHINGTON - Members of the Congressional Fiscal Cliff Fact Finding Subcommittee (FCFFS) today presented the much anticipated report on their $8.9 million, three month fact finding mission to the Fiscal Cliff, which turns out is on the coast of Cuckmere Haven in Sussex, England.

The nineteen subcommittee members' trip included the rental of six private jets, accommodations and meals for each member for ninety days, eight bungee jumps, numerous hang-gliding and rock climbing lessons and associated gear, dune buggy rentals and approximately $1.2 million in miscellaneous expenses.

"We are here to report today on the dangers we've found surrounding America's Fiscal Cliff on the southern coast of England," said Subcommittee Chairman Congressman Ernest A. Shophofer (R-Indiana).  "Truly, this is a dangerous, tall, yet incredibly fun cliff, but one we should definitely approach with caution, no matter how fun it is to bungee jump from."

Read more: Congressional Subcommittee Reports on Fiscal Cliff Trip

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Written by IRNewz

WASHINGTON - Today President Obama called the Information Assurance Directorate (IAD) at the NSA over issues he's having with his new Windows 8 desktop.

After being put on hold for nearly an hour, Greg Jensen, a Tech Support Specialist III at the IAD, eventually took the President's call and began walking him through the agency's elaborate troubleshooting flowchart.

"Have you made sure the RJ-45 cable is securely attached to your network card?" Jensen asked, according to a recording of the conversation IRREVERENT has obtained via a FOIA request.

"The what?" President Obama responded.

Read more: President Resolves Computer Issues with NSA Tech Support